Eating disorder recovery update

On Saturday as I was putting groceries away, I realized I’ve come a long way in the past year. And when I look at the past three years…the amount of growth, increased understanding/awareness, acceptance, and positive change is pretty insane.

We have things in our pantry right now that I would have been too afraid to buy six months ago: Goldfish. Pirate’s Booty. Crackers. Cinnamon-roasted almonds. Yes, I do package things into single serving bags because it really helps me. I hope that someday I won’t have to do it, but it works well for me right now. I also made a dessert (vanilla Chex/Oreo bars- kind of like Rice Krispy treats) on Saturday, something I haven’t done in months. I definitely tasted as I went along, and I ate an Oreo while I was making it, but I don’t feel like that’s something “disordered” or harmful.

Has it been difficult having “sweets” around? Yes. We went to Boston yesterday and brought some pastries home, so right now there are a few pastries in the fridge plus the Oreo/Chex bars. It’s tough. There have been moments of mindless snacking, but each time, I’ve been able to think about what I was doing and stop eating. I can’t remember the last time I actually binged- probably at the beginning of July. Understanding and accepting the difference between bingeing and overeating has always been a struggle for me. I tend to consider any overeating, whether the cause is from negative emotions (sadness, anger, etc.), stress, or boredom, bingeing. However, that is simply not the case. There is a distinction that needs to be made.

I’m not bingeing anymore. I overeat occasionally- like everybody does. Sometimes when I’m watching a movie I have a snack even if I’m not truly “hungry”- like everybody does. It finally feels okay, and not something I need to feel guilt and shame over. And it feels pretty damn great.

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