It seems like when life is going well/things are going smoothly, I post on here a lot less. I feel like I don’t have much to write about at the moment — in reality, nothing could be further from the truth…but I’m just struggling to find the time to sit down and write quality posts on some fairly in-depth and detailed topics.
So what’s been keeping me so busy?
-Finishing my last semester with a full course load. I’ll begin student teaching in the fall (for an entire year!) and only have one course left to take during that time.
-Exercising. A lot more. I’m finally starting to run again, and making slow but steady progress in that area. I’ve also begun regular strength training – as with most things I get excited about, I’ve been overdoing it a bit and had to take today off to give my body a break. But that’s okay.
-Trying to be more mindful about what I’m eating. While I want to make ED recovery my top priority, I do want/need(?) to lose some weight for health reasons. I feel much more at peace with my body now than I have at any point in the past four years or so. But my doctor would like me to lose a little weight. I’m not so focused on what the scale says…but I want to feel fit/strong/healthy/badass again. I don’t care if I never get down to my lowest weight. I just want to be physically active consistently, because almost nothing makes me feel as good as regular exercise does. I could definitely make a very long post (or series of post) on the challenges of losing weight with a history of disordered eating. So to be continued for this one, I guess.
-Summer job search. While I won’t be broken-hearted if I stay in my current job for the summer, if possible, I would like to make more money and do something different the summer before my internship. I’m currently looking for a full-time nannying position and have a few leads so far. I feel kind of guilty about the possibility of leaving my current program…but ultimately I need to do what’s best for me, my finances, and my future.
-Taking care of myself. Getting enough sleep, taking time to relax, taking time to appreciate the small stuff. Not putting as much pressure on myself to achieve some ridiculous idea of perfection (which doesn’t even exist). My sinus infection seems like it may have returned, so making my own health & stress management a priority is all the more important.
Expect more regular posting sometime in mid-May, but for now I’m guessing my posts will continue to be few and far between! 😛
Since last updating, I went to New York and saw my favorite musical, Cabaret, before it closes on Broadway. I saw Alan Cumming play the role he was probably born to play, and was lucky enough to get his autograph and say a quick hello to him after the show.
Also while in New York, I had a revelation. Moving to New York City is probably going to be one of the hardest things I ever do. It’ll be a huge adjustment for me- I’ve lived in the suburbs my entire life. It’s a little scary. A lot scary. Very daunting. Overwhelming to think about. But I know if I don’t do it, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I’ve never felt as fully alive and as fully present as a human in the world as I do when I’m in the city. And I owe it to myself to give life there a chance.
Today I got a giant pineapple tattooed on my right thigh. Because I love Cabaret so goddamn much. And because it was high time I got my first tattoo- I could never decide on exactly what I wanted for the first one, so I put it off for years. I’m very happy with my decision.
Why a pineapple? Why Cabaret? A lot of reasons.
1. The pineapple is a reminder to me that love is hard. Choosing to love can often be a radical and courageous act. Sometimes you can’t settle for the lowest hanging fruit – you have to climb up a little higher to find the sweetest piece.
2. The pineapple is a reminder to me that I need to do more than just love – I need to show the people I love how much I love them.
3. The most important message of Cabaret for me is that people cannot and do not exist in isolation from what is going on in the world around them. This tattoo reminds me that the personal is the political, and that I cannot ignore the bad things in the world forever. I have to take a stand. I have to work towards positive change, in any way I possibly can, no matter how small.
4. On the contrary, Cabaret is also a reminder that sometimes you do need to escape (leave your troubles outside) for a little while. And that’s okay- even necessary. You just can’t exist indefinitely like that.
5. Above all, when I listen to Cabaret, I feel unbridled happiness. I love singing those songs and listening to them, and seeing a giant pineapple on my leg makes me smile in the same giddy, carefree way.
TLDR; life is good.
- I need to start doing something creative again- whether that’s writing fiction, painting, drawing, or making music. Even just once a week.
- My most recent ex (I mean, like my ex from five years ago) is engaged. I remember when he called me right after I got engaged. Seems like forever ago.
- I have a nasty cold on the first Monday in the past three weeks that is NOT a snow day. Since my Monday classes haven’t met for the past two weeks, I feel absolutely obligated to go. But yuck. I should take some Dayquil.
- It hit me this morning that this is my last semester (for a while, anyway,,#PhDsomeday) with a full course load. I’m going to be student teaching for a year starting in September, and while doing that, I’ll take my last class and do some kind of research for credit.
- I have a lot of relationship stuff on my mind- family and friends. It’s not all very positive. I’m not sure what to do with all of these feelings. I should probably write about them some more, sometime. But all at once, I’m worried, sad, and feeling kind of neglected.
- If we get significant snow accumulation tonight/tomorrow, I’m just going to hop on a plane and head down south. For real.
- I should take a nap. I have plenty of time. But that never goes well for me … a 30 minute nap always turns into a 2 hour nap. Instead I’ll probably go to the gym.
- I’ve been keeping a food/health journal of sorts for the past two weeks, and it’s really working well for me. I’ll maybe do a more in-depth post about it sometime.
That’s about it. Really feeling that nap right now.
Another snow day yesterday, and I woke up at 4am to see if work was closed. It was! But then it was 4am, and I was awake. I had every intention of going back to sleep or taking a nap, but neither of those occurred yesterday. I went to bed at a normal time for me (11:00ish) and woke up at 6:00. That’s a solid seven hours! BUT…I am absolutely exhausted this morning. We went out to move our vehicles before the plow came, I had a quick breakfast, and then promptly fell asleep on the couch from 7am-8am. I woke up and chugged my coffee, and it’s still like the walking dead (pun intended) over here.
However, I can’t complain too much. All I have going on today is a dentist appointment at 11:30 and class at 4:10. I would like to get a bunch of work done today, but we’ll see if that’s in the cards. I do know if I’m this tired now, I will probably be even more exhausted in the late afternoon/early evening hours. Alright, I’ve convinced myself to go and do something.
The best stuff
- New Year’s Eve
- Watching The Office pretty much every night
- Time spent with family and friends (birthday dinners; brunch at our place; nights out and nights spent staying in)
- My birthday celebration(s)
- Finally trying gin, and never drinking anything else
- Singing karaoke by myself for the second time
- Doug’s birthday celebration(s)
- Buying tickets for Cabaret in March (!!!! still over the moon about this)
- Getting a Wii U
- Seeing Birdman and The Imitation Game – two incredible films
- Teaching Zumba to my kiddos
- Getting the ball rolling for my student teaching internship
- Three snow days in less than a week
- New brewery opening up downtown
- Helping one of our best friends buy a car
- Getting a new TV stand and rearranging our living room
- Putting together said TV stand by myself
- Classes and professors I’m really enjoying
- Playing in the snow with my kiddos
- Seeing two of my best friends who live far away
- Our “anti” Superbowl party (we ended up watching it)
- Making BBQ apple cheddar pork pie
- Super nice new lady managing our apartment building
The worst stuff
- Getting sick, thinking I was better, getting sick again, etc.
- Tax-related stresses (that have since been resolved)
- Struggling with getting back into an exercise routine
- All of the money we’ve spent on our cars (registration fees and repairs)
- Annoyances related to our neighbors (what else is new?)
You know life is good when it’s much easier to think of happy things than sad things. 🙂
This is the most snow I’ve ever seen, and I’ve lived in the northeast my entire life! I’m not entirely sure how many inches we got in my town, but if I had to guess I’d say somewhere between 22-25″. No school and no work today, and not going into work tomorrow until 11:00 (very grateful for that). I spent today doing homework, cooking (I made soup and no bake cookies), cleaning, watching Netflix, and just relaxing. I guess that’s pretty much all I have to say for right now. Also, my first semester of grad school is off to a great start. I love all of my professors so far, and the workload is…underwhelming, to be honest. Maybe it’s just because I’m not interning in a classroom right now.
Last week, I had to attend two orientation breakfasts at the schools I may be interning at in the fall. I’ve already scheduled several observation visits with teachers I am potentially interested in working with. It’s kind of a stressful process, but also a really exciting one. I observed a fourth grade teacher yesterday, and although I hope to end up in a kindergarten or first grade placement, I’m going to visit her classroom again. On Thursday, I’m observing a kindergarten teacher and then another fourth grade teacher.
So all in all life is pretty good right now. We helped one of our best friends buy a car over the weekend, which felt very satisfying (even though we weren’t the ones with a shiny new car). I’ve been much more committed to exercising and my body is very happy about that…although today, my exercise consisted of snow shoveling for an hour. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be attending my first Zumba class in a very long time this weekend. 🙂
If you are/were in the path of winter storm Juno, I hope you and yours are safe and warm!