Another snow day yesterday, and I woke up at 4am to see if work was closed. It was! But then it was 4am, and I was awake. I had every intention of going back to sleep or taking a nap, but neither of those occurred yesterday. I went to bed at a normal time for me (11:00ish) and woke up at 6:00. That’s a solid seven hours! BUT…I am absolutely exhausted this morning. We went out to move our vehicles before the plow came, I had a quick breakfast, and then promptly fell asleep on the couch from 7am-8am. I woke up and chugged my coffee, and it’s still like the walking dead (pun intended) over here.
However, I can’t complain too much. All I have going on today is a dentist appointment at 11:30 and class at 4:10. I would like to get a bunch of work done today, but we’ll see if that’s in the cards. I do know if I’m this tired now, I will probably be even more exhausted in the late afternoon/early evening hours. Alright, I’ve convinced myself to go and do something.
I tried to go to bed early tonight. I slept for an hour and then was awoken by heartburn. I’ve maybe had heartburn twice in my life before tonight. This heartburn was initially so bad it felt like my throat was closing up.
I took two Tums but they are not helping so far. I’m not sure what the cause of the heartburn is- maybe what we had for dinner. Or maybe the preventative (headache) medicine I take. Speaking of which, I had an awful migraine today after making it through most of the weekend headache free.
I keep trying to tell myself, this is the hand you’ve been dealt. Accept it and learn to deal with it. I just don’t know how much longer I can learn to deal with not feeling at peace in my body. The uncertainty of waking up every morning and having no idea if it’ll be a good day or a bad day- based on how my head feels. The frustration that comes along with doing everything “right” but still getting headaches.
I bounce back and forth between two extreme attitudes. The first is “Fuck this, I can do anything, headaches won’t hold me back.” The second is “I can’t do this anymore. I give up.” On any given day, at any given moment, one of those attitudes will prevail. Right now it’s the latter.
What really isn’t helping is that for the past two nights, our neighbors have been either blasting TV or music way past 11pm. It keeps me awake. I just texted them about it and they haven’t turned it down or responded to my message. I’m so frustrated.
Right now all I want to do is sleep. But I can’t because this heartburn is making it impossible to lie down. And even if I could lie down, the aforementioned noise would keep me awake. So I’m sitting on the couch in my dark living room with my stuffed elephant perched on my lap.
I don’t want to cry or scream or continue to ask the question that has no answer: “Why?” I just want to sleep.
I definitely think I’m coming down with something– if not, I guess I’m still sleep deprived. After The Walking Dead premiere on Sunday, I could not fall asleep. That probably had something to do with all of the “research” I conducted on the most terrifying haunted houses in the U.S. I have absolutely no interest (anymore) in going to haunted houses, but something about them fascinates me. Anyway, I scared myself so badly I was awake until four in the morning freaking out about even the tiniest noise I couldn’t place. I got a decent amount of sleep last night, but I still feel tired and run down. My throat is kind of sore and my entire body is just…tired.
However, I have been HEADACHE FREE since yesterday morning, which is pretty amazing. I can only hope it continues. I had physical therapy for the second time today, and got to use a foam roller on my back/shoulders/neck. It made a significant difference in the tension and pain I tend to carry in those areas in just 15 minutes. I think I will definitely invest in a longer foam roller (I have a mini one right now) so I can use one every day at home.
I can’t believe the semester is about halfway over. It’s gone by quickly, I suppose, even though sometimes the days seem to drag on and on (like today). One more class, a field trip, and then home- and maybe to an orchestra concert tonight with Doug if I’m feeling up to it. I’m going to try and get some more work done now so I can head to bed early again tonight- hopefully before 10pm.