Life lately

It seems like when life is going well/things are going smoothly, I post on here a lot less. I feel like I don’t have much to write about at the moment — in reality, nothing could be further from the truth…but I’m just struggling to find the time to sit down and write quality posts on some fairly in-depth and detailed topics.

So what’s been keeping me so busy?
-Finishing my last semester with a full course load. I’ll begin student teaching in the fall (for an entire year!) and only have one course left to take during that time.
-Exercising. A lot more. I’m finally starting to run again, and making slow but steady progress in that area. I’ve also begun regular strength training – as with most things I get excited about, I’ve been overdoing it a bit and had to take today off to give my body a break. But that’s okay.
-Trying to be more mindful about what I’m eating. While I want to make ED recovery my top priority, I do want/need(?) to lose some weight for health reasons. I feel much more at peace with my body now than I have at any point in the past four years or so. But my doctor would like me to lose a little weight. I’m not so focused on what the scale says…but I want to feel fit/strong/healthy/badass again. I don’t care if I never get down to my lowest weight. I just want to be physically active consistently, because almost nothing makes me feel as good as regular exercise does. I could definitely make a very long post (or series of post) on the challenges of losing weight with a history of disordered eating. So to be continued for this one, I guess.
-Summer job search. While I won’t be broken-hearted if I stay in my current job for the summer, if possible, I would like to make more money and do something different the summer before my internship. I’m currently looking for a full-time nannying position and have a few leads so far. I feel kind of guilty about the possibility of leaving my current program…but ultimately I need to do what’s best for me, my finances, and my future.
-Taking care of myself. Getting enough sleep, taking time to relax, taking time to appreciate the small stuff. Not putting as much pressure on myself to achieve some ridiculous idea of perfection (which doesn’t even exist). My sinus infection seems like it may have returned, so making my own health & stress management a priority is all the more important.

Expect more regular posting sometime in mid-May, but for now I’m guessing my posts will continue to be few and far between! 😛

Some Monday thoughts

  • I need to start doing something creative again- whether that’s writing fiction, painting, drawing, or making music. Even just once a week.
  • My most recent ex (I mean, like my ex from five years ago) is engaged. I remember when he called me right after I got engaged. Seems like forever ago.
  • I have a nasty cold on the first Monday in the past three weeks that is NOT a snow day. Since my Monday classes haven’t met for the past two weeks, I feel absolutely obligated to go. But yuck. I should take some Dayquil.
  • It hit me this morning that this is my last semester (for a while, anyway,,#PhDsomeday) with a full course load. I’m going to be student teaching for a year starting in September, and while doing that, I’ll take my last class and do some kind of research for credit.
  • I have a lot of relationship stuff on my mind- family and friends. It’s not all very positive. I’m not sure what to do with all of these feelings. I should probably write about them some more, sometime. But all at once, I’m worried, sad, and feeling kind of neglected.
  • If we get significant snow accumulation tonight/tomorrow, I’m just going to hop on a plane and head down south. For real.
  • I should take a nap. I have plenty of time. But that never goes well for me … a 30 minute nap always turns into a 2 hour nap. Instead I’ll probably go to the gym.
  • I’ve been keeping a food/health journal of sorts for the past two weeks, and it’s really working well for me. I’ll maybe do a more in-depth post about it sometime.

That’s about it. Really feeling that nap right now.

Happy 2015

Hello readers (does anyone even read this blog anymore?)! I know I’ve taken a very, very long break from blogging. I’m hoping to slowly but surely begin blogging more in 2015.

So far, this year has been off to a great start for me. I turned 23 ten days ago, and I start grad school in less than a week! Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I decided to try and complete a Happiness Project this year (a la Gretchen Rubin…here’s a link if you’re interested). This month’s theme is Simplicity, and so far so good. I’ll definitely post more about that at a later date.

Health-wise, I certainly feel better in the first month of 2015 than I did in the last five months of 2014. My headaches are very infrequent. My neck pain comes and goes (seems to be worse when I’m under the weather or not sleeping enough- no surprises there). I did have some digestive issues which required a colonoscopy (spoiler: it’s not as scary as it seems) but all of that checked out okay and is mostly resolved now. I’m finally starting to develop an exercise routine again. Nothing crazy, although I am trying yoga again.

Work is the same as always. I feel closer to my husband than ever, which is wonderful. Right before Christmas, we spent a weekend in New York City. His main Christmas gift to me was tickets to see The Marriage of Figaro at the Metropolitan Opera. It was amazing. We also ended up getting rush tickets to Chicago the next day. So I am starting 2015 completely obsessed with all things opera and musical theater again. And NYC. We’ll hopefully be spending most of our spring break there, too. In case I haven’t mentioned it on the blog before, when we’re done with school and ready to begin teaching, our plan is to move to NYC and teach there.

I guess that’s about it for now! I hope you all have been well and that your 2015 is off to a good start 🙂

I want to update, but I’m tired.

So bullets it is.

  • I went from last Monday (10/20) to today (10/27) WITHOUT ANY HEADACHES. I did get a headache this afternoon, and it got pretty bad at one point, but it’s mostly gone now. I’m pretty convinced it was due to rushing around and a stressful afternoon at work. Now I’m at home relaxed and feeling better.
  • I got an A on my first major assignment in my class with the really tough professor. She also asked if she could have a digital copy of my work to use as an example for next semester’s classes. This actually made my entire week.
  • I defrosted the cinnamon loaf that’d been in the freezer for a YEAR and it is still perfect and delicious and amazing. Next up, I will be defrosting (some) of our wedding cake. Eating dessert and cleaning out the freezer = major win.
  • Tomorrow I only have one class, and then I have to attend this symposium (taking the place of my second class). Third class is canceled all week!
  • THURSDAY I have an entire day off. I’m getting my hair cut (er, trimmed) and eyebrows done in the morning. I also need to register to vote.
  • It’s almost Halloween.
  • I regained some of the motivation re: school that I lost in the midst of dealing with almost daily headaches.
  • I have physical therapy twice this week, which makes me so happy. Part of my sessions usually involve a mini-massage of sorts, and it’s wonderful.

So yeah. I’m happy.

Thursday things

  • It’s amazing how much I can get done when I actually remove the distractions (TV, YouTube, my phone, etc.)
  • Currently in class watching a documentary about inclusion that was actually filmed a few towns over. [And people in my class are laughing hysterically and acting like the girl in the video is some kind of monster. It bugs me that, in a room full of aspiring teachers, the stigma surrounding mental illness is alive and well. A lot of the things the girl in the documentary struggles with, I struggled with in middle school. Self-harm, self-destructive thoughts, anger, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem…among others. If things had gone differently in my life, in high school, I could’ve easily been in the situation she was in. Why can we watch a documentary about a little boy with cerebral palsy with tears in our eyes, and five minutes later, watch a documentary about a teenage girl with ADHD, depression, and emotional problems while muffling our laughter and rolling our eyes in disgust? I wouldn’t want anyone who passes that kind of judgment on human beings teaching my children…or teaching alongside me. My professor is actually contributing to the ridiculous laughter in the class by making comments like, “Would you want to be on the bus with her?”]
  • I saw one of my best friends today. It was wonderful and perfect. I miss her a lot- she doesn’t live that far away (~4 hours), but it’s far enough so that we don’t see each other as much as I’d like.
  • I am really considering law school in the (distant) future. I want to just start off teaching in a classroom and see where I want to go from there. I am so passionate about school law, though, particularly in the area of bullying and cyber-bullying. I think it’s because I was bullied badly in middle school and no adults in my school ever helped me to stop the bullying or even acknowledged it was happening. I want to prevent other kids from going through what I went through.
  • I think I’ve had too much caffeine today and my eye is twitching. Eek.
  • It feels weird writing a post without mentioning headaches…BUT (crosses fingers) I have been headache-free since Tuesday morning. It’s pretty remarkable, especially considering all the stormy and rainy weather we’ve been having.
  • I no longer have to do this thing I’ve been dreading for months this weekend. Yes, I feel badly about backing out of it- it was shitty of me. However, the relief I feel over not having to do it is pretty amazing- although I do recognize I should never have committed to it in the first place. And the reason I gave for not doing it- chronic migraine- is certainly true and legitimate.
  • With that being said, I’m looking forward to spending time with my family this weekend, getting work done, and resting.

Returning

Hello. Long time, no blog. I could give many excuses, but it’s really a combination of factors: starting a full-time job for the first time in a while (and the exhaustion working at a summer camp entails), going on vacation, and sheer laziness. However, now that I’ve adjusted to longer work weeks and less free time, I feel like I can begin writing again. I’ve never worked at a summer camp before, so I was unprepared for coming home in the afternoon and basically collapsing for 2-3 hours. Now that I am mentally and physically used to the job, I have more time and energy to invest in the things I love- and blogging is definitely one of them!

Work has been very demanding, but very rewarding- isn’t that always how it goes? The summer camp environment is obviously very different from the after-school program environment, but not different in a bad way. Just more kids, more planning, more field trips, and sometimes, more fun. I primarily work with the older group of kids in our program, ages 9-11. So far this summer, we’ve gone to the beach, a Minor League baseball game, the pool (every week), the library (every week), and some different parks/playgrounds. We’ve had some fun theme days, too- Pirate Day, Christmas in July, Color Wars, etc. Tomorrow we’re headed to a (small) amusement park. I’m actually looking forward to it- we split the kids up into really small groups, so each adult is responsible for 4-5 kids for the entire day. Not too bad.

My husband also works for a summer program, but in a different town. In our free time, we’ve been watching lots of Law & Order SVU re-runs. We recently finished watching BBC’s Sherlock, which I loved. I’m finally making some progress in the bike-riding department– I never learned as a child! We’ve started going for runs together, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’m currently reading Atonement and really enjoying it. We’ve had some beach days, and are planning more before summer ends! Our first wedding anniversary is coming up (!!!!) and we’ve got a long weekend in Boston planned. I’ll be going to my first Red Sox game in over ten years- very excited!

All in all, I’m pretty content. My mental health is really good most days, and in general I feel positive and optimistic about life. I’m not dreading the start of school at all- I’m excited to finish the final semester of my Bachelor’s degree, excited to no longer wake up at 5:30am every weekday (I currently work 7:00am-3:00pm, and all of my fall classes begin at 9:40am or later), and excited for the cooler weather! However, I am certainly enjoying the last month or so of summer. My eating disorder symptoms/behaviors have been very under control as I continue to experiment with eating/not eating certain foods. So far, certain types of dairy do seem to really bother my digestive system. It’s definitely a process, but it’s not something that I stress over anymore. 🙂

Well, that’s about it for now. Expect to see more posts here in the very near future!